Valuable Lessons From Howie

There are many people from Sturgis that I will remember for the rest of my life.  Howie is just one of many that you will hear about, but Howie has a very special place in my heart because of a some very valuable lessons he taught me on a lonely night in an empty bar.  I was young and had a lot to learn about life and people and will forever be grateful to Howie for the effect he had on me.

See, I didn't like Howie the first 6 months that I knew him.  He was a loud, obnoxious, and mean cowboy.  Not exactly my kind of people.  I'll always remember his drink order, "double jack water with a lemon".  A drink that brings out the best in no one, Howie included.  It brought out a very dark side in Howie that led him to fight everyone around him.  It was sad and ugly to see, so much so that I wanted nothing to do with Howie and cringed every time he walked in the door.

Then one night things got really weird.  A bartender from another bar asked if I had seen Howie that night.  I hadn't yet and told her so.  She tells me that she had just seen him at the bowling alley.  He ran out of the door of the bowling alley onto the street right in front of her.  He threw his hands in the air, started screaming, and ran off in the other direction.  The other bartender told me that she tried chasing him "trying save his little life, but that little fucker can run faster than you would think he can".  She lost him and hadn't seen him since.  She was more than a little worried about him.

I responded by saying "shit", cause I knew he would stop in if he was out, and knowing this story I wasn't about to serve him.  I know the bartender telling me this and know she is a straight shooting gal.  If she tells you something you need to listen.  The other bartender agreed that he shouldn't be served.  So then the waiting game began.  How long would it take Howie to show up?  And what would he do when he couldn't have a drink?

I didn't have to wait long.  Only about 30 minutes.  The other bartender had left by then and the bar was empty when Howie walked in.  He strolled up to the bar and ordered his usual.  I told him I couldn't serve him.  He took it really well.  He didn't argue at all.  It was going much better than I had anticipated, but I forgot to factor in that there was 2 bars open that night, so Howie wasn't mad because he thought he could just go over to the other side of the bar and order from there.  Now the problems begin.

Howie walks over to the other bar.  The bartender working that bar was a very sweet girl that I liked a lot, but she was not good with confrontation.  So I walk over and make the "cut off" sign to her so she knows not to serve Howie.  I see Howie starting to get worked up, so I walk over to deal with him.  It was only fair that I dealt with it.  I was the one who cut him off and the other bartender knew nothing about what I had been told about his behavior earlier in the evening.

He is upset because no one has explained to him why he was cut off and asks for an explanation.  I thought it was totally fair to be upset about that and that he deserved to know why he wasn't being served.  So I explained to him what I was told, but refused to tell him who told me.  So now Howie is even more upset and yelling at me that I am stupid and judgmental and need to take a good look in the mirror.  Okay, all of those things are probably at least a little true, but I am not going to stand there while Howie is screaming at me in the middle of the bar.  So I calmly tell Howie that it is okay for him be mad at me, and he can stay mad at me for as long as he wants, but he doesn't get to stand in the bar and scream at me.  Time to start walking to the door.

Howie puts up no fight walking to the door.  He is still yelling at me and calling me names, but nothing I haven't been called before.  So I get Howie out the door and don't see him for the rest of the night.  In fact, I don't see him for about a week.  But, as I already mentioned, I didn't like Howie so I can't say that I missed him during that week.  In fact, I didn't give the matter any thought at all.

After about a week though, Howie turns up in the bar again.  The bar was completely empty.  In fact, I was getting ready to close up.  Howie is pretty snarky and asks if I am going to serve him tonight.  I respond by asking if he is going to be an asshole.  He loses the snark and says no, he is not going to be an asshole.  So I lose my snark and grab a glass to pour him his double jack water with lemon, but he stops me to tell me he just wants a Budweiser.  This is a new one.  I have never seen Howie drink a beer before.

So I grab the Bud and put it in front of him.  Normally I would just leave him to his own devices, but all my work was done and there was no one around, so there was no polite escape from conversation with Howie, and he felt like talking.  I had never really talked to Howie before, but pulled up a barstool and started to shoot the shit with him.  We ended up talking for 2 hours.  In those 2 hours, everything I thought of Howie changed completely.  We talked about everything.  Where we were from, how we grew up, what we liked to do.  We swapped all kinds of stories and I found myself really enjoying hanging out with Howie.

Then the conversation took a personal and more intimate turn.  He told me something that broke my heart that I will keep with me always.  He told me how he had lived in Sturgis his entire life.  He knew everyone in town.  But he was a wild one when he was younger, and although he was in his 50s now and not at all the same person, everyone still looked at him like he was 21.  No one wanted to talk to him.  People he had known his entire life would walk past him on the street like they didn't even know him.  So he would sit at home all alone, until he got so lonely he couldn't stand it, and then he would go to the bar just to be around people.  I was about ready to cry.  This was a side of Howie I had never seen before, and it explained a lot of his unruly behavior.  I was seeing Howie in a whole new light, and I found that I really liked him a lot.  He was well spoken, polite, and very pleasant.  He was full of fun stories, including one about frog races.  I saw an innocence and a kindness in him that endeared him to me.

Then I did start crying when he told me that all he wanted was for someone he knew to walk up to him when they saw him on the street and say "Hey Howie, how are you?".  I found it so sad that he never got to experience this.  It is such a small and simple thing that is easy to take for granted.  I wasn't even from there, but, because I was a bartender, most of the town knew me and I couldn't go anywhere without running into at least 3 people that I had to share small talk with. How could someone who grew up here not get the same treatment?

Howie and I talked about his drinking, and I told him that I enjoyed his company a lot when he was drinking beer.  He acknowledged that the Jack Daniels wasn't helping him make friends, and he started just drinking beer from then on.  He was a completely different person.  One that was sweet, friendly, fun, and very likable.  The change I saw in him was incredible.  I found myself valuing his friendship more and more each day.

A couple weeks after having this conversation with Howie, I ran into him on the street.  I walked right up to him, gave him a big hug with a kiss on the cheek, and asked him how he was.  His eyes just lit up!  His face was taken over by this huge smile as he told me about his day.  I felt so good to see him so happy!  It only took such a small act of kindness to make Howie's day.  He knew that someone cared enough to ask about him, and the hug with the kiss was probably the cherry on the cake of his day, as he didn't get a lot of affectionate physical contact.  I don't know who got more out of the exchange, Howie or myself.

Howie and I were both on journeys, and for a short time our journeys met on the same path.  Howie learned to stop hiding from people.  He started letting people in and his life was better and he was happier because of it.  I made a new friend in Howie.  I also learned that people aren't always what they appear to be.  And that the smallest gestures, like a hug and a "how are you", are often the most meaningful.  Anymore, I never underestimate the value of a hug or a short conversation.

I don't know where Howie is now.  I imagine he still lives in the same trailer in Sturgis.  I do hope that he is doing well.  That he is surrounded by people that care about him and appreciate his fragile heart.  I hope that I one day I will run into Howie again so I can thank him for the lessons he taught me.  I will forever remember him fondly.  I don't even know that guy that drank Jack Daniels anymore, and I hope that Howie doesn't either.